Going on 3 months of silence…
I wish I could say the same thing for my thoughts. They seem to be a never ending cycle of what’s next and what do I do. Only to be silenced and laid to rest by the precious hand of my Savior telling me not to worry.
It was Labor Day weekend and I found myself in Houston with the family and then a quick trip over to Orangefield to see PawPaw. I loved every second of my vacation. For the first time, in a long time I actually felt like I had a vacation. It was spent seeing people I wanted to see and doing things I wanted to do.
A cold front blew in and I stepped outside to see the stars. Orangefield is the only place that offers them in my backyard. It had been an overcast day so to see it opened up and so close I could touch brought back memories of old and hopes of new things. The image of raindrops in the sky, standing still and wrapped around you… The trip put my soul at ease. In a simple quiet place. One it has been longing to be, but never could slow down for. Orangefield has a way of doing that to me and inspiring me. It should be mandatory for me to go back once of month. Though with slow down comes reality and the weight of being their without my grandma was heavy. Outside wasn’t as bad, though if I went into the house it was a heavy thing on my heart. We spent a lot of time outside.
A long trip back to Dallas lands me on the balcony in this cool 80 degree weather. I’m ready for the fall and winter time. Life seems better when it’s not so hot. With cooler weather comes the inevitable 1 year. I think I’m ready for it, ready to face it and begin to fully heal. I know it takes longer than a year, but I also think if I can get to the year, it will show me she isn’t coming back. I mean I know that, but maybe I won’t get mad about it.
I have a friend who has inspired me to try something… I’m going to try and not think so much. I’ll try not to analyze every situation and not make a big deal of things I can’t change. Changes in life are coming and things are about to get hectic, but I don’t worry. I think I make life way harder than it needs to be. I have a Savior who died for me, a family who loves me and the most amazing friends. I have it pretty good and to think anything else would be pure stupidity.
I live a simple life, meaningful, but simple life. So what am I trying to analzye?