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Monthly Archives: March 2011

2 in a day

Each day I find myself sitting in silence more and more. I guess I am feeling pretty bold because sometimes silence is a scary thing. Maybe I’m searching for answers. Whatever the case may be, I seem to be starting and ending my day listening to the sound of my cat playing.

The thoughts of the day. The mishaps, the unanswered questions, the good and the bad.. It all floats around up there and in the silence they make themselves known.

Silence isn’t a bad thing. In the world we live in I don’t think we allow ourselves enough. I know up until recently, the idea of sitting in silence was asking for trouble. Who knows what God would be telling me if I just took a moment to listen. The older I get the more I press to hear the word of God spoken. In my life anytime I’ve attempted to plan or think I had something figured out God showed me He wanted something different. Finally I feel like my life is falling into place with His will. Now I’m just scared to want anything. The idea that it could be taken away from me isn’t something I like. But I trust Him and know that he brought me to this point in life for a reason. He’s opened and shut many doors, and some of them very forcefully. All of this was to make a way for the right plan. His plan. I’m trying to be obedient with every step I take. Hence why I think I am sitting in silence a lot more. Because I need Him to direct me. I need to know that where I am going is where he wants me.

Up to this point, 2011, my life has been pretty me focused. Now what would it look life if I was “He” focused (I hope that makes sense)? What in my life would need to change?

Silence can do strange things to a person. It can show you the good sides of your soul and it can show you the ugly. Over the past 3 months God has shown me some pretty ugly things. My silence is how I sort it out. It’s how my mind comes to grip with what is going on around me. My silence reminds me that this life isn’t all about the things in this world or the toys and gadgets. But it’s about waiting on the Lord and finding rest in Him. My life may not be slowing down anytime soon, but each day I start and end it with a peace given to me by my creator. It’s just up to me if I keep my soul at rest all day or if I let the madness take over. Madness won today. Hence why there are 2 writings in a day.

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Posted by on March 31, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

Thoughts Straight

One might say I have failed at keeping to my lent daily type idea I had planned out. And for the most part yes. But over the years I have learned that if it becomes something I do because I have to and not because there is passion and reason behind it, I might as well have not done it in the first place. Not giving my self an out by any means, because I told myself that statement a few days after not writing and have had intentions to write, but I never made it a priority.

I’ve been at my new job for two weeks now. A one job women for a week and a half now. The first week at the job was amazing. We were planning for an event so we were all running around; I loved it. Now with that event over things have slowed down and my purpose at this job has been hidden from site. I am trying to remind myself that everything I do is for the best. And that even the pee on tasks have a purpose and need to get down. That nothing is above me and everyone pays their dues. This job will pick up again and I am sure we will have many more weeks like last week, but this waiting phase sucks! However, I would rather be waiting as a part of this team then be stuck with two part time jobs again. I have to stay positive and see the bright side to what I am doing.

With the new job came a weekend off and with that came a trip to Houston and Orangefield. I don’t think any one could grasp what that trip meant to me; beyond the obvious. It wasn’t even until the middle of Saturday that I realized I wasn’t working or didn’t have anything to do. It took so long because I was still doing things and going places; not just sitting. Sunday was amazing. Church with my family and laughter around the lunch table. I thought I would come back rejuvenated, but I think I came back more exhausted. Monday I came home from work an hour early because my sinuses were not behaving. I had no motivation to pick myself up and do. All I wanted to do was be. That never played itself out. Tuesday, ¬†God blessed me with the strength I needed to get through the day. With people to see and errands to run, I got home at 7:00 and didn’t slow down. It’s amazing what power is in you when you seek God for strength. I know had I not asked I would have been sluggish again. Wednesday came with an eagerness to see my youth group kids. Wow! Did the Spirit of God move! I have never seen kids so hungry for answers and question after question they asked, which convicted me because how much do I sit and pour in and ask who my savior is? Is it because I think I know it all, because I sure found out last night that I don’t. I was fed last night, just as much as those kids were. I left asking questions, and I pray the kids did too.

Each day this week I have found my self awake wanting my brain to just turn off. Even when I am off work I think I have lost the ability to not still be there. It’s frustrating because this idea of rest seems to be slipping from my grip. A day to just be and rest almost seems no where in site. I know until I do get a day of rest God will supply me with the strength to make it through. But selfish me forgets to ask and I think I can do just one more day by myself and I end up at home restless.

There is something deep within my soul that tries to hang on to this independence that I am known for and not depend on the creator who holds my soul together. I can look around at the things and people around me and see how blessed I am. And yes I give glory to Him because none of it would be worth anything without Him. But I still find myself at the center of it all. I am not living this life alone. I was never supposed to. I was never supposed to act like I had it all together when inside I was falling apart. At what point will I realize that each day I wake up I need to devote myself fully to his purpose. Maybe, just maybe then I will realize that the menial tasks I do at work aren’t really that menial. But that they have a greater purpose.

Just maybe tomorrow when I get up my first thought won’t be myself or someone else, but it will be about Jesus. That my first thought would be that I am blessed, and that who I am is nothing without Him. And maybe after that I would get up with the attitude that I can’t do it alone and that any tasks or strength I seek can only be given and made complete through Him. He doesn’t need me. But he wants me. I DO need Him. But do I want Him?

With all my heart I pray that my soul would find rest in my savior. That with each breath I would ask more of Him and less of me. Because this life isn’t about my self independence, but my dependence on Him. And that right there is a humbling thing.

 
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Posted by on March 31, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

Nails Painted

With my first Monday under my belt I’m feeling pretty good! With each day comes new tasks and challenges, but at the same time more knowledge. Before the days just would drag on and now I’m looking down at the clock at 2:00 wondering what happened to the day. It’s an exciting feeling. This Friday I will be able to attend my first event. I’m anxious, nervous, excited, lots of different emotions are running through my veins.

While at work my mom and I discussed our plans for Easter! I’m going to Oklahoma! More excited than anyone knows. Each moment with any family member is cherished… I’ve learned that over the last 6 months.

I got my nails done today. For the first time in 6 months I have pretty nails! Guys don’t understand this, but girls who don’t even really like painting their nails enjoy the freedom of having that option. I went and bought a Sprinkles cupcake. Yes Yes I know.

Not that you even care about the agenda of my day, but I laid it out for you. Please pray that I will not become complacent with my new job. With the new joys that the Lord is bringing may I stay focused on the task at hand and run the race. My prayer is that what life has brought me can only encourage me to become better and not slip in to a worldly out look.

My nails are painted. I’m going to bed.

 
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Posted by on March 21, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

At last.

I think it finally became reality today that I am growing up. The freedom and responsibility that comes with the new job is allowing me to embrace my independence and I love it! As I was leaving work today I felt free. And not that anything bad was holding me down, but that God has given me a freedom in Him and my job to allow me to grow in every way possible.

I still have two days at Sprinkles and they are becoming an inconvenience. At this point I’m used to it, but now I see the light at the end of the tunnel and these next two days are just getting in the way. Though I know leaving on Sunday is going to be bittersweet.

As my job gets going and I have a better idea of what I’ll be doing, I’ll post it. Right now I am all over the place because there is a lot of transitioning going on. The atmosphere at my job is so encouraging that I don’t mind what I am doing. I’ve found that each person I work with reminds me of someone else that I know. This makes it a whole lot more easier trying to get settled in. However I am trying to figure out if these people who remind me of the people that I DO know, have the same personality as the ones I know. I think that is going to take some time.

I’m a girl who loves the simple things in life. The simple thing I love about this job… Is my lunch break. They don’t want me to eat at my desk alone. It’s not even a question if I brought my lunch or will be going to the cafeteria, we try and eat around the table. I love it!! No more eating alone at my desk or taking my 30 minute lunch by myself. I think I am going to enjoy this working around people thing. And 2 years ago I highly doubt I would have even said that.

I’m at last stepping into the women God intended for me to be. I will never be content. I will ever be pressing to grow. But I can finally see myself taking shape into a Godly women and it is so humbling to think that he would want to work in me. It only encourages me and pushes me to press that much more and love that much stronger.

 
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Posted by on March 19, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

Madness

And so today begins the official start of March Madness. This really has no point to what I am writing about. But it is probably my favorite time of the year. Have being an adult with no vacation time yet sucks because this is the first year I have missed most of the games! With that off my chest… Go Duke!!

Today was my last week day at Sprinkles. Last 10 hour shift. It feels so good to be able to say that after months of it being my life. I’ve been at the new job for two days now and I am slowly trying to process what I have been learning. It is an overwhelming amount of information that is so vital to what we do. I need a break… not from the new job, but from life. Hopefully next weekend I’ll be able to make a quick trip to Houston and Orangefield.

My brain isn’t thinking to much. So with that sad it’s sleep time for this old one. Maybe tomorrow something more profound.

 
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Posted by on March 17, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

Southern Roots

I called my grandpa tonight. It’s been way too long since I talked to him. Every time I talk to him I am reminded of the strength that is behind the Garison name. We brought up some good memories and some tough ones. We laughed a lot and I was told to the call the police next time I get scared.

Remembering the days of rubber boots and gardening. Missing the sounds and simplicity of the country life. It’s not till your older that you can truly appreciate all that growing up in a small town had to offer. Obviously there are tough things, but I wouldn’t change any of it. The opportunity to live next door to my grandparents. To understand what it is to work for the food you put on your table. To never know what it means to be in want. I was blessed. My southern roots are what holds me together is this big city living. My last name is what has kept me accountable in every facet of life. I don’t think my grandparents know the magnitude of what they have meant to our family. Our lives and devotion to the Lord will be the only way they will every truly be able to grasp the impact they had and are having.

Today I started a new job. One that gives other people a chance to strengthen their families and marriages. It teaches them the skills that maybe they weren’t taught growing up. After talking to my grandpa tonight I found myself wishing my grandma could see me. Maybe it was a selfish moment, but I know of all my family she would be one of the most proud. I wish I could tell her about it. I want to share my excitement with her. I want to experience this blessing, that the Lord has set before me, with her. My new job is one way I can live out my Garison name. It’s one way I can keep the legacy of Tommie Garison alive. Through the families I will be able to encourage and all the people I will meet; I’ll be able to love on them the way she did. Never in a judgmental way, but as children of God needing direction; needing hope.

 
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Posted by on March 16, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

Standing on the Edge

Walking out of Stan’s office today was bittersweet; definitely not what I was expecting. I thought I’d burst through the door with excitement, but then I remembered how much I hate change and reality came right back. It’s a scary thing… the end of something. I’m ending two things so I think the emotions are double.

Of course I am excited about the new job. But then Satan has a way of slipping questions into my head that don’t alleviate any of the worry. What if I’m not doing what I thought my job was about? What if I am answering phones for the rest of my life and stuck as a receptionist? What if I screw something up and lose that responsibility? Questions of inadequacy flood my head. These feelings seem to mirror the ones I had right before I boarded a plane to Germany a year ago. I was heading over on a mission trip to speak the gospel to a group of people that I didn’t even know their language. How was I to communicate? I don’t do well talking to new people, this can’t possibly go well. And of course it went amazing because Satan doesn’t beat God. If God has called me to something, I better believe he will walk me through it. Occasionally running.

So despite my fears and anxiousness, I’m ready. I’m ready to get my social life back. I’m ready to use my resources to give to others. Though many questions I kind of already have the answer. And by having answers I mean I’m okay if I never get them. Life isn’t about knowing why things happen, it’s understanding that it’s all for our joy and His glory. I was blessed with this new job because I am here to glorify Him and I will do that. I will make the most of what he has laid before me. And I will find the strength that he always gives me; like he did on the streets of Berlin.

In life we can’t become complacent and I don’t ever intend to. It’s like I’m standing on the edge of this mountain today. A beautiful view and crystal blue water below me. One step closer to the edge. Deep breathe. And tomorrow… tomorrow morning I jump.

 
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Posted by on March 15, 2011 in Uncategorized