She was one of the most important people to me. I’ve hardly talked about it… The emotions are unspeakable.
We’re coming up on Christmas now. The thought of going at it alone (without her) leaves my head spinning. So this is what every year is going to feel like? A big gapping whole in my chest? I almost don’t want to say goodbye to 2010, because I saw her. Leaving the year behind and starting a new one is going to be a whole year without her. I don’t think I can do that… Not alone anyway.
I have the most amazing family. But we don’t ever talk about it. I think we are scared to face the emotion, but I know Saturday morning there won’t be any stopping it. Full force on the reality that is before us. Why is that growing up has more freedom but more heartache? Why is it that it had to be so unexpected!! I didn’t even get a warning… there was no time to say goodbye… there was no time!
I know I have eternity. But oh how that seems forever away. So until then I’ll write. She wrote… a lot. She dealt with it all by writing. When she didn’t know how to say it she wrote. When things were too overwhelming she wrote. And when there was nothing else left to do she wrote… So I will write. I will continue her legacy. I hope to make her proud and do her justice. Because it is the only way I can keep her alive. Through my actions and my giving. My life is dedicated for her… Lived for Christ, but in memory of her.
So I write.